By Bunmi Sofola

No matter how athletic, young and good looking, a lot of men have confessed they don’t really know what to do with that panting woman in their arms.

Playing on the ‘you win some, you lose some’ rule, they just play by the ear, leaving their supposed conquests wondering what hit them.

Paul, now in his 30s and a silver-spoon kid, confessed that he had beginner’s luck when he first started getting intimate with a woman.

“This gave me a false impression of my abilities,” he said.

“At the university, I hooked up with a woman who virtually went to pieces at my slightest touch – she was that besotted with me.  My ego was inflated, and I thought I was God’s gift to women.

“When that affair ended and I hooked up with other women, I was puzzled and disappointed that they didn’t experience the same high as my former lover.

“In fact if they could talk, most of them would have said: ‘Just finish, I wasn’t going to come anyway…’ by the enthusiasm they showed.  Not only did I feel horribly inadequate, I felt completely frustrated.

“What the heck did these women want anyway? I was inside her for goodness sake, I used to scream silently.  Why weren’t the women I bedded immediately clutching at my back and spasming in ecstasy?

“I mean we were now in a clinch, with me pumping furiously away, what else was required of me?  Plenty. I later leant that I knew next to nothing about what women really wanted.

“As a son of a gynaecologist, my understanding of sex was clinical.  I knew that to make a baby, people had sex together.

“I didn’t know where the clitoris was, or the mythical G-spot for that matter, but I did know what I saw in movies – and the movies told me that to take a lady to high heavens, some amount of oral sex was involved.

“So, I entered a period where much of my foreplay repertoire consisted of latching myself to a lady’s bits like a hungry baby to its mum’s breast.

“Even with that, the results were mixed.  I learnt from a few bold women what I was doing wrong – like not using my fingers and going too heavy on the tongue!  I didn’t let the criticism bother me though.  I soldiered on until I finally cracked it.

“I finally understood what it took to please a lady.  Thanks to my finally finding the right one.  We both had awkward bedroom fun until we got confident enough to compare notes.

“One night, she told me how she liked it, what angles were ‘no’ and which ones made her scream: ‘yes! Yes!’ I was happy she did.

“So you ladies out there, don’t be too reserved. Talk to your man. You tell a waiter how you like your food.  Waiters aren’t mind-readers, and neither is your guy.

“Bringing a woman to orgasm makes us men feel unstoppable.  A few months back, I ran into an old girlfriend.  Playfully, I asked her if I could look in on her ‘for old time’s sake.’

“Actually, I was expecting her to laugh in my face and tell me what I could do with my tackle. I was therefore surprised when she said she would be free the next day! 

“What about the new boyfriend?  I’d heard from mutual friends she was ‘happily’ hooked.  She said I should leave her to worry about that.

“The next day, I was at her place like a flash, clutching a bottle of champagne.  Within minutes, she was all over me and we were soon in the bedroom having wild sex.

“Then I remembered a friend telling me I should try other places to have sex in.  So when she went to the bathroom, I was right behind her.  Since then we’ve tried the kitchen, the living room and even the car – though I didn’t find that as comfortable as the others!

“She told me she was in love with her boyfriend, but he is a pastor’s son and chaste sex was all his upbringing would allow!

“I think that’s a load of crap!  With all the shenanigans most of these pastors are always up to with their ‘flock’, this lucky guy must be spoilt for choice about who he should be ‘ministering to!’

“But who was I to complain?  She further confessed no other man had quite rung her bell the way I did!  I felt ten foot tell!

“Can you imagine growing from a fumbling, eager-to-please geek to a super-stud!  This escapade with her almost gave me the horrible thought of going after a few exes to top up their sexual needs, but I don’t have the heart to do that.

“I quite fancy my steady girlfriend and I would be gutted if she cheated on me.  So, I’m sticking to this bit on the side for as long as I can get away with it.

“So you guys out there, don’t assume that because you’re pumping away, you are a stud.

“Your partner is probably more experienced than you are, so ask her to teach you how to please her.  Believe me, the lesson you learn might stand you in good stead with your next conquest.  Happy hunting!”