Some years back, I took a second wife. My first wife and I have three children, but it was always understood that, being a Muslim and coming from a polygamous home, I might take a second wife, which I eventually did.

But my first wife took an unhealthy dislike to this poor girl because she’s had a kid for her previous husband. Well, I was a father of three too!

The long and short of it is that I was retrenched and couldn’t afford two homes.

I told my wife we would all have to live under the same roof, and she hit the roof!

She said that would happen over her dead body.

She’s made appreciable progress in her job and, without telling me, had bought a middle income flat from the state government.

She then moved out before the date I said the second wife was moving in, and my mother, who had all along been living with us, moved in with her! It was a betrayal.

She said she had always been with us, was used to my first three children and didn’t want to entrust their welfare to a ‘maid’.

Moreover, she said she was so used to looking after her own grandchildren, such that she wouldn’t know how to look after a ‘stranger’s child — her way of showing her disapproval of my new wife.

I have threatened her, but she remained adamant. She has settled into this new flat with my first wife, but this is wrong.

She is my mother and I want her with me. How can I make her see that her loyalty should be to her son?

Kenneth, by e-mail.

Dear Kenneth,

Since you haven’t divorced your first wife, she’s still very much your responsibility along with her children.

I don’t see any reason why your poor mother should be forced to take your side. She might be your mother, but she’s grandmother to the three children.

Thank your lucky stars, as very few wives get along with their mothers-in-law.

“Our decision doesn’t have to be abided with by your wife or your mother — this is an enlightened society remember.

 Just as you now have all the time in the world to enjoy your second marriage, so does your first wife have a right to enjoy her peace of mind which, thankfully, she can afford.

(Share your problems and release your burden. Write to Dear Bunmi: bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk)